When the Shoe Doesn’t Fit
Solo Parenting
August 2025
By Scoti Springfield Domeij
After giving birth to two boys, my daily itinerary expanded along with my feet. After getting divorced, my once perfect-fit Cinderella routine became like shoes two-sizes-too-small. Every day it shrank an entire size before noon. My never-ending, solo-parent To-Do list felt like a too-tight shoe, no longer fitting the life that I now wore. How can you adapt when you dread your too-tight schedule?
When your feet hurt . . . everything hurts. Checking off every responsibility on my daily To-Do list proved more difficult than searching for discontinued high heels unavailable in my size. Instead of taking off my too-small shoe, I grinned and bore the pain. The other shoe I lost—the X—abandoned me to cope with no back-up. I no longer lived up to my expectations. Like balancing on five-inch spikes, I tripped here and fell there trying to finish the torturous daily line-up. The inability to mark off every item left me stressed and frustrated. My To-Do list needed another column—a To-Don’t list.
Find a comfortable shoe. At the end of every day, the undone To-Do’s nagged at me, filling me with shame and guilt: I’m not strong enough, smart enough, organized enough, motivated enough. Each Saturday, I moved things on the daily To-Do list to the To-Don’t column. After tucking the boys into their beds, I tossed off my achy-breaky shoes. A steaming bath with a good book, dark chocolate, and hot spearmint tea shriveled my toes prune-like, plus relaxed my body and revitalized my spirit.
Walk around until your shoes stretch. My too-large single-parenting responsibilities failed to squeeze into too-small shoes. After trying on various brands, styles, and colors of Day-Sprinter organizers, my To-Do list still teetered and-tottered. Some days I pushed extra hard and caught up on my To-Do list. Other days, exhaustion or emergencies shoved everything to the bottom of my To-Do list. Even though single parenting never felt like a perfect fit, over time, I stretched into parenting alone by embracing the To-Don’t list. My single-parenting shoes became more comfortable as I accepted what I could and couldn’t accomplish.
Over the years your feet change. No-longer-wearable shoes I once loved littered my closet. I decluttered my To-Do lists. In another life, I scheduled blocks of time each week to organize and clean my house. As a single mom, I worked two to three jobs, leeching time to maintain an immaculate home. Fifteen minutes each day to clean sufficed.
If the shoe fits. When your To-Do list swells to the impossible, engage in a creative sanity saver. When I sewed new curtains, upholstered a chair, or painted a room, I left the laundry, dishes, dust, and piles to breed.
If your shoe is too tight, fling off the unachievable To-Do list and slip into the To-Don’t list that fits best.
Propelled into single parenthood with a four-year-old son and a nine-month-old son, Scoti helps solo parents face their fears with courage and embrace new life. Scoti writes for HavokJournal.com. © 2023 Scoti Springfield Domeij. All rights reserved.
