Solo Parenting

(From our May 2025 Issue)

I Don’t Feel Single, I Feel Whole

By Scoti Springfield Domeij

I don’t feel single. I feel whole. This was not always the case. There was a time when I didn’t know who I was. Every moniker describing me—Married. Wife. Bible Study leader—disintegrated when my husband pursued and married the myth of greener grass.

I questioned: What was my name? Am I Springfield or Domeij or Springfield-Domeij? I only felt like the dash-in-between. In my confusion and brokenness, I wall-papered my identity to this byname— “single parent”—at least I was something.

Advice to “Live well while ‘temporarily’ single,” in truth, obsessed on the goal of marriage—culture’s participation trophy to make me more than a half or a nothing.

Well-meaning friends from my former life called and asked, “Found anyone special?” As if a person could make my heart whole. A relationship didn’t guarantee healing from abandonment and betrayal. A distraction? Perhaps. But wholeness? No.

I internalized this Hasidic proverb: “There is nothing so whole as a broken heart”. Even though I didn’t understand the meaning then, Kotsker Rebbe’s words strangely comforted my crushed spirit. What was the path from brokenness to wholeness? When struggling with devastation, would I ever discover a sense of completeness—alone? How could I become more than single to become healed and whole?

First, I stopped regurgitating legitimate disappointments, expectations, and losses now bitter. What was dead—was dead, even though the heartbeat of agony pulsed painfully. Singles who rehashed their selfsame story scraped raw my emotional wounds. I’m thankful for a wise counselor who helped me confront life’s struggles today instead of spurting slurs and rants about harrowing yesterdays.

Second, I sought out kindred spirits who affirmed the passion God breathed into my spiritual DNA. I faced fears and adversities through journalling and then writing to encourage others. I emerged with a renewed sense of purpose and meaning.

Most importantly, I focused on God’s character—Who He says He is—and on His promises of healing and restoration—What He says He will do—if I trust Him. I sought forgiveness and found a deeper, more practical faith when I connected with God. I wish I could say forgiveness happened overnight—it didn’t. Each time the X swiped my heart with a verbal barb, the never-ending, forgiving journey began all over again and again and again. I learned from my mistakes, increasing my resilience.

How did I become whole? I came as I was. When all I had left was a broken heart and a broken hallelujah to offer to God, I willed myself to sing “He Who Began a Good Work in Me” by Steve Green. When convinced there was no way, I sang “God Will Make a Way” by Don Moen and other time-proven hymns praising God’s greatness.

I learned that suffering and adversity pressing against our hearts offers a catalyst for transformation and growth to either greet or reject. Your choice. Brokenness and processing difficult emotions are necessary steps toward becoming whole: true wholeness and strength mushroom from God’s healing. “There is nothing so whole as a broken heart.”